Hanging in there when life throws you a curveball
Your work is an antidote to the mindless chaos, pathological vanity and vacuousness of our modern, materialist “gimme gimme” culture. Well done and God bless 🙏
Very cool... in the end the interesting lives and the interesting marriages will be the ones that persevered through struggle and come out the other side with fascinating stories and relationship grit.... the alternative is quitting and blaming others for our own imperfections and inability to weather the storm.
This is a very important topic. There is a program called Retrouvaille that was started in Canada and is now in other countries. It’s for saving failed marriages. This does go against the feminist narrative that marriage is oppressive. Most women and children are much better off if they can stay in an intact families
One of the most instructive books about marriage I know is “Middlemarch” by George Eliot. It’s more famous for its toxic marriages (Dorothea and Causaubon; Lydgate and Rosamond) but there are fantastic marriages too. The one between Mary Garth and Fred Vincy springs to mind as the strongest, a marriage which is watered by deep affection for each other but its roots are in mutual partnership and support to build a life together.
Somehow we ended up with the idea of preserving marriage being countercultural.. Individual freedom is celebrated in increasingly grotesque ways
You won’t find a single tick-tock celebrating staying together.. only destruction is deemed as worth of attention
Thanks for this. For a while it seemed to me that the “New Woman” of “?Wave Feminism” had simply opted to become everything the old man(former not father)had been. Why XX believed it would work better for her than it had for XY was a bafflement. I find what you write lifts the veil of ignorance. Thanks
Those were beautiful stories. Thanks to them and you for sharing.
In my experience, the navigation and maintenance of one’s marriage, or even simply forming useful opinions about the matter of marriage, require access to concepts and observations that derive within schools of serious scholarship and personal experiences of the matter, as a marriage partner and/or as a therapist who has worked extensively with clients who are dealing with challenges within their marriages.
For me, such is available within contemporary treatments of marriage matters by high-quality, highly experienced psychotherapists who draw on and/or work within Jungian frameworks.
1. Episode 251 of the podcast This Jungian Life - on Sacred Marriage
2. Murray Stein on the theme of Marriage and Individuation - on YouTube.
And more in this vein.
Great, great, great real stories, Mary. We're having alot of unplanned adventure and sometimes trauma. Autoimmune issues are in the mix as well as poor coping at times. Walking around with your heart is no small feat. Thank you again for these stories.
It is beyond refreshing to read stories of people making it work rather than bailing out. It gives me hope. Thank you.
My husband and I have both grown as people through sacrifices we made to stay together. This "put yourself first" ethic, while it is helpful in some ways, I think it's wildly over promoted. It is also an amazing feeling to get all the way to the end of your rope and turn, and get all the way back to each other. Marriage must be a series of these decisions to turn towards, and to not let go of the rope. Our faith gives us the concept of grace, so that's very helpful.
“With a bit of luck, the relationship evolves into something that can sway with the wind and weather rather than some iron-clad union,” he says. - I like this a lot.
‘Danielle’ hasn’t saved her marriage; she is simply enduring it. See what happens in five years before concluding that this is a success story. Also, what else might she be doing if she left her irresponsible husband? Has HE changed at all? What is HE doing to save their relationship? No one should be telling anyone that they need to continue being miserable forever and that is exactly what you’re doing here with Danielle.
Show some stories by men about how they recognized their faults, apologized, and changed to save their marriages.
I really needed this. I'm sadly in the process of getting divorced and I keep hearing stories of friends and friends of friends who are either on the verge or in process too. And yet I've never believed more strongly in marriage. I would have loved to see a marriage survival story about overcoming childhood sexual abuse. My wife refused to seek professional help and never forgave me for insisting. I also have a close friend going through the same situation with her partner. I've looked around online, but haven't seen one success story. Maybe there aren't any.
You may also check out the book Impossible Marriages Redeemed for more encouraging stories: https://www.leilamiller.net/impossiblemarriagesredeemedpdf
I am sitting at work on the verge of tears because I finally read stories of married people who did what my husband and I did - "took divorce off the table", and fought for our marriage despite lots of people around us telling us to call it quits. We're about to celebrate our 20th anniversary. This needs to be heard and spread widely.